Awards Season! March 2017

Yes, it’ s that time of year again. It’s award ceremony season. And boy do those ceremonies come thick and fast.

But you know what? You can keep your Golden Globes, BAFTAS and Oscars. (Except the producers of Lala-land, of course. They couldn’t keep their’s).

The real awards in February 2017 were dished out at The National Motorcycle Museum in Birmingham at the Housewares Awards and the Footwear Awards. Both compered by yours truly.

For us blokes, an awards night is one of the few occasions where we can put on a sharp suit- the others are weddings and court appearances. For one night only we convince ourselves that if things had gone a different way, perhaps we could have played James Bond.

As you can see from the pic taken at the Housewares Awards (with my co-hosts Si and Dave AKA ‘The Hairy Bikers’) I tend to not go down the tux route. It’s not a great look for me. Being a stocky chap, the classic dinner jacket/ bow-tie combo make me look like a doorman at Yates’ Wine Lodge. So I go for the classic suit look. Classic like Don Draper in Mad Men. I know, I look more like Lee Evans in this one.

It’s always interesting, MC-ing these events, looking out from my lectern on the stage, watching industry colleagues getting more and more ‘relaxed’. Or is it ‘hammered’?

Even before the melon-ball starter has been brought out, Brian from the Leeds office has undone his top button and loosened his tie, trying to look manly and intriguing. He’s hoping Cheryl from HR will turn to him and say “Wow Brian! I’ve never seen this side of you. Fancy a snog?”…But, Cheryl’s too busy trying to work out where her bread roll goes. Left plate or right plate? An hour later and the disco’s in full-swing. Brian’s tie is wrapped around his forehead and he kung-fu kicks his way across the dance-floor towards the gyrating Cheryl, in her stockinged feet, a glass of red wine in one hand and her Jimmy Choos in the other.

And then the Grease Mega-Mix comes on. You know the one that starts with ‘Summer Nights’, then it’s ‘Greased Lightning’ and then all the “wella wella ooh” stuff? As the climax builds, Cheryl is in full-on Olivia Newton-John mode. Brian spots his opportunity. He falls to his knees and starts begging like a dog. But so does Nigel from the Nottingham office. It’s a flippin’ Danny Zuko-off! And surprise surprise, Nigel wins. Bloody Nigel.

I know you’re all thinking this doesn’t happen anymore. That it’s all Beyonce and Ed Sheeran. Well trust me, it does.

“Bu-ut…Oh! Those su-ummer…nigh…hights! Tell me more, tell me more, tell me more-or-or-or-ore!”